i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
