Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
