How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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