omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
