woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
