exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
