The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Actions speak louder than pants.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
