Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize