she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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