She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
