hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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