No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
