i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
