worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
