i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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