I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
