apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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