I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
