Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
