I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
