I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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