I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
