This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
