the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize