he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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