True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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