Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
