we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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