remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
