All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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