HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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