we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
