What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
