I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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