gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
