so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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