At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
