She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize