i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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