no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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