Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
