I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
