Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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