hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
