Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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