she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
