I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
