Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
