Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
