I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
