yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
