Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
