when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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