Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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