Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
