Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
