So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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