You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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