My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
