Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
