How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
