So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
