I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize