I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
