hell yes lets make some ravioli
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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