he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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