Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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