omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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