what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
