Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
