The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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