this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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