I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
