All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
