This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just found puke in my bra..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
