worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize