i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
