I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
