I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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