The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
