On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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