Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
