I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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