Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
