The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
