How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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