You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
