I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
