What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
