I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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