i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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