Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
