I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
