The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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