threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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