dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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