she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
