I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
