Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You can't special order awesome
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
