I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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