I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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