I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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