But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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