Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
