do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
