He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
