What did we do last night that was yellow?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
