He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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